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Damn the Torn Speedos or Get Thee to a Nunnery


Damn the Torn Speedos, Full Speed Ahead or Get Thee to a Nunnery
by Elliott Capon

What happens when a guy accused of stealing a type of onion defends himself by saying, “I was only taking a leek”? Or at the insect Olympics, where certain bugs hold the stopwatches, because “flies time”? That’s when you’re in the world of the “shaggy dog,” a type of story that ends on a funny, if horrible, pun that leaves the reader moaning and groaning...but laughing and eager to be abused by the next distortion of the English language. We have 101 such crimes against the mother tongue in this amusing collection.

  • Title: Damn the Torn Speedos, Full Speed Ahead or Get Thee to a Nunnery
  • Author: Elliott Capon
  • Publication Date: 4/1/2017
  • ISBN: 978-1-62420-317-6
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Reviewed by Jeffrey Ross Five Stars—Funny and Clever! This is a fun book for everyone—especially if you love word play and the nuances of the English language! Included in the 101 Shaggy Dogs are topics from dictators to dentures to small towns to colonialism and humanitarianism. Each of the 101 stand-alone 1000 word stories (all finely crafted, I might add) end with a word play phrase. I hesitate to give much away, but here is a fine example… A man named Myron had been born without teeth. His loving wife had chewed his food for him all the years they had been married. Myron won the lottery—and bought himself some dentures. He waited for the right moment to surprise his wife. While she was in the restroom, he inserted his new dentures and sat quietly at the dinner table. She returned and cut a piece of peach cobbler – and prepared to chew it for him. He stopped her hand, crying out, "Oh, Susannah! Don't chew pies for me!" Priceless—and there are 100 more stories to read!
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